*My readers who I believe now include newly accepted Fulbright ETAs. To you especially, I apologize. I am strange. The things you read here are going to make you wonder about my mental state. I am sorry. Please know that your year will be great and wonderful and nothing like mine. 알겠니?
Now. It is time for an experience unlike any other. Breath slowly. In and out. Ignore you outer stressors. Your room is fine and doesn't need to be cleaned. The kettle boiling is not really boiling. That person screaming is not dying. Ignore that person. Ignore everything. Be zen and stuff.
Because, as you've probably astutely noticed by the title of this post, it's time to hear some tales from some temples. And, well, at least when I hear "Temple Master" I envision something like this:
Or this:
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Or this:
But no dear reader. Today's tales are of a different sort. The sort of me, experiencing different temple stay styles (and not truly becoming a master in any way, shape, or form).*
*and now this post has gotten so long I really only am posting about one temple stay...
What is a temple stay? Why, it's a temple that you stay at for a night (or more)! Of course~
It's Day 307 and time for more vignettes!
Temple stay in Busan
Background: The Fulbright program organized this temple stay (the first one for foreigners at this particular temple) just for people connected to our program. To be honest, this temple stay was not what I expected at all. I honestly got more relaxed and happy by visiting Spa Land by myself the day after this temple stay finished... (remember, I like my "me" time). But some things were interesting! Here we go (pardon the constant changes in verb tense):
I arrive a little late at our meeting point to get our ride to the temple (it's actually on an island connected by bridge to Busan, a little out of the way) and am greeted with a bunch of unfamiliar faces. The dozen or so ETAs who I thought would join this temple stay all backed out so I quickly see that I am the only ETA, joined by two researchers, our program coordinator, and her boyfriend. aka: A bunch of people I don't know.
Great.
Even though I was expecting something different, like a fun day with a bunch of my friends while learning about Korean Buddhist culture, I scold myself for thinking so negatively. Why not get to know these new people (gradually and with as little awkwardness as possible) or take this time to meditate on myself? I mean, just a month earlier I traveled all through Thailand by myself. This will still be great. Yes. Gabby, 파이팅!
The Fulbright Korea program and temple stays in Korea (along with many organizations in Korea...) like to be very very structured. Every hour has an activity or something we should be doing. That is the first big difference I notice from my time at the temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
Our first activity was a very simple calming, mountain hike...
Stress level and sweat production overdrive.
I was partnered with a really nice guy who I had no idea was nice or tyrannical at the time.
Let me explain my hierarchy of thoughts and inner-body-reaction-workings:
Person I don't know? Stress. Discomfort. Anxiety.
Extreme proximity with person I don't know? Body heat rises.
Must touch person? Sweat. More sweat. More discomfort due to sweat.
This person is male? Someone please get me outta here~ sweat sweat sweat sweat sweat sweat
Honestly, unlike what I think all the monks were expecting (discomfort being unable to see) I had the most stress and discomfort trying to lead the blinded person. That's so much responsibility! I was so worried. If I went too far ahead, I might make him rush and then also make him feel anxious. So I tried walked right by his side on the path... more often walking on the forest ground/hills/rocks since the path was so narrow, but when the trees forced the narrow path I stupidly decided in Gabby-awkward-panic mode to walk behind him. At this point some of the monks observing (laughing at us) hold my hand and bring me to the front to lead my blind-folded victim. Ah~ so this is the best way to do it...
My poor poor brain was in super duper hyper overdrive... overheated. Shut down. And yeah, failure Gabby. It was a relief to switch places halfway through because then I finally could stop thinking and just do my best to not trip and land on my face. Or worse, off the mountain (seriously, I love hiking and would never ever go on a mountain again if someone told me I would be blindfolded. SO DANGEROUS LIKE WHY?)
Doesn't everyone look so happy? Except that girl on the bottom. You know, that one that looks like she is happy to have finished the final exams but like dang, brain. off. That's me.
To further my discomfort, the next activity on our schedule was what I like to call, deepest-darkest thoughts show and tell.
Yes.
Seriously.
Show and tell these totally personal things in front of all the temple staff, the monks, the Fulbright program people I don't know (apart from the guy I almost led off a mountain, yeah.. we know each other so well and completely trust each other now...), everyone.
The things I was awkwardly forced to try and sort of explain about myself, paired with researchers stories that I would never in a billion lifetimes feel comfortable sharing with other people made me officially wish that I had never come.
The next activity was lighting tea-candles in beautiful paper lotuses. It was something about our inner light, and would probably be really beautiful and peaceful. Except I was already in a dangerously depressing mindset... so I immediately noticed that my candle was burning at like, no joke, a quarter of the brightness that everyone else's was burning. No really. See for yourself:
You see that one that looks like there is no candle inside? It's all red instead of beautiful glowing light? Yeah. That is what my heart is like. Dark and cold and dead looking. ㅠㅠ
I continued to spend the rest of our evening in a state of disconnected bubble self-esteem plummeted dirt-blob echelon worm. Worthless worms~
Before you develop a terribly biased and negative review of this program, (who am I kidding, you probably will never consider temple stays at this point... or just think I am really odd) let me tell you. There was one extremely wonderful ray of rainbow sparkly sunlight in this whole program. The volunteers!! While the monks were very interesting and tried their best to be kind to us, I felt like they were still very "other" and a few of them often looked at us disparagingly. BUT the volunteers were young, recent college graduate, aka our age, Koreans. It was great to talk with them and honestly, I talked to and felt more comfortable with them than the other Fulbright associated people... (since really, everyone started on the same Gabby-leveling of "I don't know who you are" )
Two of the girls even felt so moved by our deepest-darkest-thought sharing, that they even told some of their own stories. That really helped save me from feeling like the foreigners of the Fulbright program were being examined and prodded like exotic butterflies. (Yes, originally they only expected us Fulbrighters to share. No, even better, they wanted us to write it all down and then "volunteer" yet with that intense stare like "you are going to share next right?")
Anyways, I loved those volunteers. All good, kind, relatable young people. Their smiles were warmer and more genuine than anyone at that whole temple.
Two of them are in this photo flashing their V Victory signs. Seriously. The best people. Wish they were my friends (as in I could still contact them and see them). Also, note: this photo was taken the second day.
On our second day. After I'd had a night to cry into my pillow and rebuild my mental support beams to restore balance to the Force aka my happiness, I had a much better day. The activities were also much more loosely structured. We had free talk time with the monks and my absolute favorite: WAVE MEDITATION.
YEAH. We sat on the beach. Listened to waves. And meditated.
It was amazing.
(and also so much warmer than Hwacheon, the ocean wind chill felt warm)
Look for the not bundled up person ;)
All in all, it was really interesting! And while I wouldn't go through this again unless they seriously changed up those first "activities", I think it makes for a good blog post right? maybe?
Stay tuned... I swear upon my love for 떡볶이 that there will be another post tomorrow. I really need to complete this temple stay picture for you... because my other experience was about a full 160 if not 180 from the above written stuff..
I shall return my flower, a changed bee! (Did anyone else ever get that Antonio Banderas commercial stuck in your head?)
가비
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